- The ministry is not about you, your church or your organization. Your focus and primary goal should always be to help people finding freedom from same-sex attractions. Don’t seek to make your name big, but learn to be servant leaders.
- Whatever program you use, understand that it is just one of many tools. It is not the Ten Commandments. Don’t reject other tools or ministries if they are useful for the people you are serving. It is not about your program. It is not your way or the highway. It is about those you are responsible for.
- Chastity, celibacy, abstinence, purity, avoidance techniques and the like are only means to an end. They are NOT the end itself. The goal is not chastity or whatever else, it is freedom.
- Only running away from something (like not doing, saying or thinking something) makes only the first 50%. It lays the necessary foundation, but if thins stop there, you do not offer real help. You can’t just run away from the bad (inappropriate sexual or romantic thoughts, words or deeds), you need to run towards the good too (building up one’s male or female identity, seeking out the emotional, relational and spiritual needs behind that and learn to satisfy them a better way, building healthy same-sex friendships, finding a fulfilled life and the like).
- A human being is an entity of three factors you cannot separate: Body, psyche and soul. If you want to help people find real freedom, you need to address ALL those issues. Only focusing on one won’t cut it.
- If you are a denominational ministry (that is a ministry that is or wants to be part of one church or faith group), you need to remind yourself of some points: Being accepted by your church or whatever else you belong to is NOT your goal. Rising up the organizational ladder and appearing in all the bulletin is NOT your goal. Shaping your ministry so it fits your denominational standards is NOT your goal. Your goal is to help people find freedom.
- The times where we could live in a safe haven on some distant island are over (if they ever were there at first point). It is good to have more or less secret or confidential groups where people with unwanted same-sex attractions can meet. But if things stay there, you are making a big mistake. If you do not stand up in public for what you believe in, you are paving the way for gay activists to gain ground and for the church or any other institution or organization to continue to walk on erroneous paths as they have no clue as to where to go. We are at war, so we better learn how to fight. Each one of us will be held accountable one day as to what he or she did with his or her talents. If we were ashamed of our beliefs or sacrificed them on the altar of pleasing people and being on the “safe” side. If you are doing that, you are just wrong and the sooner you understand that, the better for the folks you are responsible for. And most of all don’t try to cover up personal mistakes or even pride with theological or other commonplaces.
- If you want to serve, you need to do it Jesus’s way: showing unconditional love. That’s the whole point: you need to love the folks you are in charge of. If you do not have a heart for them, better stop right now. You also need to be humble and accept guidance and advice from others instead of believing you know it all.
- You also need to be creative. If you always walk on the ways you walked on before, you will always end up where you are now. Think differently, do things nobody has ever done before. Don’t let a set pattern hold you down when you are burning!
- Build up as many connections as you can: To church leaders, politicians, therapist, reporters, other ministries, social activists, scientists, doctors, and whatever else is out there.
- Your ministry should never become a one-man or one-woman ministry. It is not about you.
- Don’t be afraid to oppose people in public and make your point of view known – but make sure you are well prepared (I very much recommend Joe Dallas’s books), you have a daily spiritual structure and regular accountability, and finally make also sure you have some recreational and fun time in your life!
Men and women with unwanted same-sex attractions often meet in local or online groups, seek out therapists and get all those wonderful resources out there. All good and nice. Nothing to be said against that. And yet, you have some who keep on telling you they’ve tried “everything” and “nothing” worked so far. Oh really. After years and years of dealing with those folks that I love with all of my heart, here some points to ponder (or better: kicks in the butt):
- So you’ve tried everything. Did ya. Usually, a closer look reveals that they tried nothing for real. They might show up at one or two meetings, or order a book – and this is it. If you want to succeed, however, you need perseverance and a high stress and frustration tolerance. You need to be able to set yourself a goal and go for it – no matter how long it takes and how hard it will be. If you are not willing to do that, don’t blame it on the group, the people there, the program, the genes, your past, your parents or whomever else then. Your just a quitter looking for lame excuses.
- In many cases, self-pity is both a symptom and part of the cause of same-sex attractions. A baby that does not perceive himself or herself to be loved will start pitying himself/herself in order to get some love this way. A really tragic and sad thing to happen. This will take on till he or she is grown up, if nothing will be done against it. Usually, the individual does not even realize that. Other people start getting ticked off by the constant whining and complaining and think he or she is a wimp or worse. So if you struggle with that and already realized it, do something against it. Stop the whining. Stand up and fight! Learn to love and enjoy life and start working on your masculine/feminine identity. But PLEASE stop the whining! Whining is the easy way out in struggle. You see yourself as the poor and helpless victim. Take responsibility for your own life and act like a man/woman! There is no shame in being scared, but there is if you let your fear overcome you!
- Go for results. General bla-bla won’t get you far. Set yourself big goals (they really can’t be too big!), cut them in little goals and start making plans. Example: Instead of saying, “I will try to become a better person” (which is nothing else but a wishy-washy statement that will never lead to anything!), make your goal measurable and hold yourself accountable: “Until next Friday I will contact the volunteer program in our church and ask if I can join them in building houses for the poor. And I will tell Bill about it.” Like that you have a fix date, a measurable goal and someone that will hold you accountable.
- If you are a follower of Jesus (or Jew, Muslim – whatever), show that your faith is for real. Stop begging God to take “it” away from you – while comfortably leaning back doing nothing and waiting for God to do “His” job. Yes, God is a gracious and loving Father – and much like a worldly father who teaches his little son how to ride a bike, the Lord will teach you: Jesus died for you on the cross so you can be free – so the power of sin is already broken! You ARE free and the only thing that hinders you in realizing that is your lack of belief! As to your recovery in all other realms (like your family history, your emotions, identity questions, possible emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse or whatever else), He will teach you how to do it – but you need to trust Him and walk His path! Stop holding yourself back with lame excuses and finally trust Him! Even if bad things should happen, you know then that you are never alone! Let His love overflow you so you will become radiant with this love and joy! If we don’t have something to be joyful about, then who should?
- No man is an island. Neither are you. You grow in and through the company with others – so you should give something back and help others with unwanted same-sex attractions. This means accepting responsibility on a long-term basis. You won’t help anybody when you only show up somewhere when you feel like it. You might be (or feel) “different”. That is not a bad thing in and of itself. Let this “being different” become a blessing for others! Find out about your gifts and talents and use them for God’s glory!
- And last but not least: Get structure and discipline in all areas of your life: sexually, financially, healthwise, emotionally, relationally, socially, spiritually etc. Get yourself motivated each and every day by setting up a structure plan. Start your day by putting on your spiritual armor through prayer and Bible study and then throw yourself into the great and unbelievable adventure called life. Don’t waste it by shying back. Stand up and be the one God called you for! There is no victory in whining and complaining and finding a good excuse to reject all help and remaining a passive victim for good. There is no victory in blaming others for your inability to get your own stuff in order. There is no victory in begging God for what He already gave you, but what you continue to run away from: Complete freedom! What are you so afraid of? That you might really be free someday and be responsible for your own life? That through acting like a man/woman you might finally become one? That you might grow up to become and adult? Get your butt up and learn how to fly!!
I have lost track of the times I have tried to change. Of the times I repented, only to fall again. I'm sure is more than one reason for that. Here are a few:
1) I give up too easily. Not just on this issue, but across the board.
2) I have never had the right view of God, nor believed enough in His love
3) I got too focused on the gay issue, and it isn't the main issue - the main issue is getting the right relationship with God.
There may be others, but those are forefront in my mind when I look at how terribly I have done in this area. Another one has come to mind after something my friend said recently. I don't realize what deliverance looks like.
I wish God would just remove the desires and temptations, but He doesn't, but that pretty much is the case with any sin. The thing is, the devil fights unfairly, and he knows what areas are weak for us, and just because we want to give up a sin, doesn't mean he will stop tempting us to do it with all he has got. I know there is a wide range of opinion on Christians drinking alcoholic beverages. I still believe it is something Christians should not do, but unless they are getting drunk and hanging out in bars, I'm not going to condemn them for it, but for me, it is wrong. Oddly enough though, its not a temptation to drink, or to smoke. Why? Because I'm not even interested in doing so. But porn, lusting after other guys, sex with other guys....... I am all too interested in doing so, so even when I am trying to serve God, the devil is going to tempt me in that area, because I am weak there and have fallen many times before. Alcohol, smoking, even drugs? No contest, no weakness, no temptation.
I have been guilty of giving in to temptation too easily. Oh, there were times I fought it harder than others, but overall, I gave in too easily, didn't try for the "way of escape." A large part of that, I believe, is because in my eyes, I wasn't delivered. If I was, it wouldn't be so hard to fight it, yet that is why it is temptation..... guess I don't always think about these things enough.
The tough reality is that I will most likely be attracted to other guys for the rest of my life. I will most likely be tempted to lust, use porn, and have sex with other guys for the rest of my life. It sounds daunting and discouraging, but if it wasn't that, it would be something else. The devil fights us all with something, and though mine seems bigger and more difficult than a lot of things, I'm sure there are worse things.
I am becoming more and more convinced that the answer lies in having a real relationship with God, something I didn‘t have for most of my life. The closer relationship I have with God, the more delivered I will be.
When it comes to unwanted same-sex attractions, often times a set program loads up when certain buttons are pushed, especially when we are talking about men. You get to hear the story of the little boy who did not have a good relationship with his father and thus resulted in developing a gender-identity disorder. Or the adult man who admires in other men what he lacks in himself – the masculine traits. Other examples: A life in the gay scene that resulted in hitting rock bottom (like mental, social, professional, relational and/or health problems or disillusions), shame and guilt all along the way or broken families.
All of that could be the case. Note: it could be – but it does not necessarily have to be the case. Human sexuality is caused by a whole bunch of different factors and the mixture thereof. Also the human brain keeps on changing every minute of the day by our actions, words and deeds – all of that leaves traces. To put up one stereotyped and simplified scenario and generalize that for everyone might lead to wrong conclusions and perceptions. Not every boy who later on developed same-sex attractions had a bad or missing relationship with his father – or was sexually, emotionally, verbally or physically abused. And from those who were not everyone developed same-sex attractions. Also you cannot simplify those attractions as a “gender-identity disorder”. That definition would only cover part of it – and only for a part of those who have those attractions. People with same-sex attractions are not just “sick”. They don’t necessarily need our pity because they had a bad childhood. They are not simply “messed up”.
Also not every man with same-sex attractions ended up in the gay scene – and did not necessarily end up with many different sex partners, practicing extreme forms of sexuality, not finding a long-term monogamous relationship. Yes, all of that happens quite often – but setting up a simple pattern that makes things easy to explain and forcing them on all those who have same-sex attractions is simply not acceptable.
Not every man with same-sex attractions is desiring men who have what he thinks he does not have (for example a physically weak man with a low self-esteem that desired strong and assertive men). Some men look for similar men (even though those who tend to look and act similar from the outside are not so similar if you take a closer look). Others look for younger, tender men.
Yes, many men with same-sex attractions have a gender-identity disorder, but is this a must? Aside from that: A gender-identity disorder only covers a small part of the human being. Humans according to the Bible are an entity of body, psyche and soul. A GID only refers to the psyche (with implications on the other two though).
So what should we do? As much as patterns can be useful to describe what we experience, see and feel, we need to keep in mind that human beings don’t always follow patterns. Each person is different and needs to be seen as individual. Also those who have same-sex attractions should not just accept other people’s labels for them and see themselves as “sick” or “disordered” or try to explain their own attractions in simplified patterns. Those who try to assist people with unwanted same-sex attractions on their way to freedom should keep in mind that there is no simple system with simple rules for stereotyped persons. It just does not work that way. If you try to do that, you might become disillusioned in no time and might also disillusion those you try to help – and in the end things could be a lot worse than ever before.
For everyone involved: Get information, talk to others, find out about the true and legitimate emotional and relational needs of the person with same-sex attractions and listen closely his or her story. Find out in which areas the inner struggle lies and seek help there. If your tooth aches you wouldn’t call the pastor, right? Same with same-sex attractions: If your problem is a relational one, you can’t just “pray away the gay”. Most of all, however, we need to rely on God and trust in Him – especially in those situations where we do not see any sense or purpose, where we are scared and have no clue where this is leading us, where it all looks dark with no light in sight. Put your last bit of trust in Him. He created you and He will call you home one day – and He is the one who will never ever let you down, who can bring good out of all that trouble you might have gone through, who can heal you and whose love will never fail. Jesus died for us so the power of sin is broken. We are free!!
Using our sexual energies another way…
Who hasn’t struggled with sexual issues in his or her life? Some think it is alright to do (almost) everything and anything that comes to our minds as far as sexual desires are concerned. Really? Resisting impulsive behavior is a sign of maturity and also something that sets human beings apart from other species. For the Jews and Christians (or Jewish believers in Jesus) among us leading a chaste life is something we do out of our love for God. We know that if He tells us to do or not to do something, then not because He likes to boss us around, but because He created us and loves us. Who should know better than Him what is good for us? When a loving father tells His child to do this or not to do that, then because he knows what could happen if the child does not follow the father’s orders. The worst thing that comes to my mind is what we pray for in the Lord’s prayer: “Lead us not into temptation”. This does not mean that God literally leads us into temptation. However, the worst scenario would be that God lets us go our own way, telling us “why, you think you know better and want to go by yourself? Okay, you can do just that!” Sometimes though the Lord seeks us by letting us go. He lets us go our own way so that having to face the consequences that this will bring along might bring us back to Him. Some sort of a last means to save an disobedient child.
Some believe that sexual energy somehow has to find a way to be expressed, else we “explode” (meaning that we “need it”, we need to have orgasm – and be it through masturbation – in order to stay physically and/or mentally healthy.) I am not a doctor and I will not give medical advice, but looking at the many people that live a pure life without having health problems through that – as opposed to the many cases of sexual transmitted diseases coming from an impure life that seeks personal pleasure and the “quick fix” rather than real satisfaction God’s way, I think I need not say more.
So what to do with that sexual energy? It is an erroneous belief that it can and should only be expressed through sexual intercourse or masturbation. Sexuality is not something bad. God has given us sexuality for a reason – for the good of the (heterosexual) spouses and the procreation of children. However, we are also told in the written Word of God that not all are made for marriage (and thus able to physically express their sexual energy through intercourse). Some renounce marriage for the sake of God’s kingdom. There we have the key: Those people express their sexual energies in a godly way: for the sake of God’s kingdom. What does that mean for us? Let’s ask God to show us our call, our vocation in life. He designed each one of us like nobody else on this planet and He did that for a reason. We were given talents that nobody else has and we are supposed to use them much like sexuality in marriage: They should become fruitful and multiply. “Not doing something” or “refraining from doing something” is only part of the deal. It is only a means, not an end, and it certainly does not bring rich fruit if things stay there. Those who renounced marriage for the kingdom of God do not stop to be men and women who have sexual energies. They must not stop there but express them the way God wants them to be expressed: for the sake of God’s kingdom.
Is Sin Worth It?
This morning driving down the highway on my way to church I noticed that the highway department had very recently painted the center line anew with its bright yellow markings. What caught my attention was not the newly painted center line, but the evidence of where drivers had crossed the center line (allegedly) passing other vehicles. Funny how fresh paint leaves evidence of misdeeds. It was quite apparent that both 4 wheel vehicles and transport drivers alike crossed the center line passing others on the double solid line and on curves.
I recently read where someone said that these markings and the posted speed limit signs are suggested speeds and suggested places to pass or not pass. Well although I might laugh at such a remark, it is no laughing matter at all. These markings and signs are there not for a suggestion, but for our safety. They are also unspoken laws for which we are to obey. Where there are solid double lines painted on the road, it is not a suggestion, it is the law. Why, because to pass another in these places is to take the risk of having a head on collision with another vehicle. They are there because there is not sufficient visibility to pass another especially near curves and or hills.
I do not know how many times I have seen folks disobeying and taking a chance passing at unsafe places. I have come close many times to getting involved in an accident because someone else was too impatient to wait to pass at another area where it was safe to do so.
In scriptures, God also has given us His laws to live by. These are not suggestions. These are laws. And likewise as above, they are there for our protection, for our safety.
Since the days of Adam and Eve, man has disregarded Gods laws and gone his own way as if God was only suggesting that we do as He says. Proverbs 14:12 spells it straight for us. It says: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death”. NKJ When we disobey highway markings and road signs we are risking not only our own lives, but also the lives of others. Likewise when we disobey the ways and laws of God, we also risk our lives and the lives of others.
However, there is also one major difference between man’s highway laws and God’s laws. Whereas we can disobey the road signs, and perhaps get away with it because the law is not watching, when we disobey God, He sees all. You cannot get away with your sins. He may not punish you immediately or even within a year. But be sure you sins shall catch up to you.
“Behold, ye have sinned against the Lord: and be sure, your sins will find you out.” Numbers 32:23 b KJV
God will indeed visit your sins some day and you will indeed pay the price.
When we disobey the road laws we may get caught, perhaps pay a fine, perhaps do jail time. This is only a temporary punishment. But if you disobey God, the punishment depending on the situation could be eternal. Is it worth the risk of disobeying God? Eternal punishment is obviously not a temporary punishment. It is forever and forever and forever. That is a very, very, very long time.
Tell me, is it worth the risk of disobeying God only to face the possibility of eternal punishment, of eternal banishment from His presence in the furnace of hell, forever being tormented with no chance of relief from pain and torment? Is it worth the risk of facing God and having Him say to you; “Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels” Matt.25:41 KJV We shall, to be sure, one day stand before God and give an account of our lives.
Perhaps your sins are not so severe. But still. If you continue in your sins, you will one day be punished and God will take away your portion of rewards. Is it worth the risk?
Which of the following will hear Jesus say of you?
Luke 6:22-26 King James Version (KJV):
“22 Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake.
23 Rejoice ye in that day, and leap for joy: for, behold, your reward is great in heaven: for in the like manner did their fathers unto the prophets.
24 But woe unto you that are rich! for ye have received your consolation.
25 Woe unto you that are full! for ye shall hunger. Woe unto you that laugh now! for ye shall mourn and weep.
26 Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets”
Perhaps we shall be of those if we obey to whom it is said:
“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Heb 12:1-2 (KJV)
“Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear” Heb. 12:28
As for me I would like to be receiving the good reward.
“And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.” Rev. 22:12 KJV
So think about it. Is it really worth continuing on in your sins only to be found out and punished by a fearful God?
Hebrews 10 (KJV):
“10 For the law having a shadow of good things to come, and not the very image of the things, can never with those sacrifices which they offered year by year continually make the comers thereunto perfect.
2 For then would they not have ceased to be offered? because that the worshippers once purged should have had no more conscience of sins.
3 But in those sacrifices there is a remembrance again made of sins every year.
4 For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and of goats should take away sins.
5 Wherefore when he cometh into the world, he saith, Sacrifice and offering thou wouldest not, but a body hast thou prepared me:
6 In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin thou hast had no pleasure.
7 Then said I, Lo, I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me,) to do thy will, O God.
8 Above when he said, Sacrifice and offering and burnt offerings and offering for sin thou wouldest not, neither hadst pleasure therein; which are offered by the law;
9 Then said he, Lo, I come to do thy will, O God. He taketh away the first, that he may establish the second.
10 By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.
11 And every priest standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins:
12 But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God;
13 From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool.
14 For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified.
15 Whereof the Holy Ghost also is a witness to us: for after that he had said before,
16 This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them;
17 And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.
18 Now where remission of these is, there is no more offering for sin.
19 Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus,
20 By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh;
21 And having an high priest over the house of God;
22 Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.
23 Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)
24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
26 For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,
27 But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.
28 He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses:
29 Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?
30 For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.
31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
32 But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions;
33 Partly, whilst ye were made a gazingstock both by reproaches and afflictions; and partly, whilst ye became companions of them that were so used.
34 For ye had compassion of me in my bonds, and took joyfully the spoiling of your goods, knowing in yourselves that ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance.
35 Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.
36 For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.
37 For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.
38 Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him.
39 But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul.”
King James Version (KJV)
"24 And Joshua gathered all the tribes of Israel to Shechem, and called for the elders of Israel, and for their heads, and for their judges, and for their officers; and they presented themselves before God.
2 And Joshua said unto all the people, Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Your fathers dwelt on the other side of the flood in old time, even Terah, the father of Abraham, and the father of Nachor: and they served other gods.
3 And I took your father Abraham from the other side of the flood, and led him throughout all the land of Canaan, and multiplied his seed, and gave him Isaac.
4 And I gave unto Isaac Jacob and Esau: and I gave unto Esau mount Seir, to possess it; but Jacob and his children went down into Egypt.
5 I sent Moses also and Aaron, and I plagued Egypt, according to that which I did among them: and afterward I brought you out.
6 And I brought your fathers out of Egypt: and ye came unto the sea; and the Egyptians pursued after your fathers with chariots and horsemen unto the Red sea.
7 And when they cried unto the Lord, he put darkness between you and the Egyptians, and brought the sea upon them, and covered them; and your eyes have seen what I have done in Egypt: and ye dwelt in the wilderness a long season.
8 And I brought you into the land of the Amorites, which dwelt on the other side Jordan; and they fought with you: and I gave them into your hand, that ye might possess their land; and I destroyed them from before you.
9 Then Balak the son of Zippor, king of Moab, arose and warred against Israel, and sent and called Balaam the son of Beor to curse you:
10 But I would not hearken unto Balaam; therefore he blessed you still: so I delivered you out of his hand.
11 And you went over Jordan, and came unto Jericho: and the men of Jericho fought against you, the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Girgashites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; and I delivered them into your hand.
12 And I sent the hornet before you, which drave them out from before you, even the two kings of the Amorites; but not with thy sword, nor with thy bow.
13 And I have given you a land for which ye did not labour, and cities which ye built not, and ye dwell in them; of the vineyards and oliveyards which ye planted not do ye eat.
14 Now therefore fear the Lord, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the Lord.
15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
16 And the people answered and said, God forbid that we should forsake the Lord, to serve other gods;
17 For the Lord our God, he it is that brought us up and our fathers out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage, and which did those great signs in our sight, and preserved us in all the way wherein we went, and among all the people through whom we passed:
18 And the Lord drave out from before us all the people, even the Amorites which dwelt in the land: therefore will we also serve the Lord; for he is our God.
19 And Joshua said unto the people, Ye cannot serve the Lord: for he is an holy God; he is a jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions nor your sins.
20 If ye forsake the Lord, and serve strange gods, then he will turn and do you hurt, and consume you, after that he hath done you good.
21 And the people said unto Joshua, Nay; but we will serve the Lord.
22 And Joshua said unto the people, Ye are witnesses against yourselves that ye have chosen you the Lord, to serve him. And they said, We are witnesses.
23 Now therefore put away, said he, the strange gods which are among you, and incline your heart unto the Lord God of Israel.
24 And the people said unto Joshua, The Lord our God will we serve, and his voice will we obey.
25 So Joshua made a covenant with the people that day, and set them a statute and an ordinance in Shechem.
26 And Joshua wrote these words in the book of the law of God, and took a great stone, and set it up there under an oak, that was by the sanctuary of the Lord.
27 And Joshua said unto all the people, Behold, this stone shall be a witness unto us; for it hath heard all the words of the Lord which he spake unto us: it shall be therefore a witness unto you, lest ye deny your God.
28 So Joshua let the people depart, every man unto his inheritance.
29 And it came to pass after these things, that Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died, being an hundred and ten years old.
30 And they buried him in the border of his inheritance in Timnathserah, which is in mount Ephraim, on the north side of the hill of Gaash.
31 And Israel served the Lord all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders that overlived Joshua, and which had known all the works of the Lord, that he had done for Israel.”
32 And the bones of Joseph, which the children of Israel brought up out of Egypt, buried they in Shechem, in a parcel of ground which Jacob bought of the sons of Hamor the father of Shechem for an hundred pieces of silver: and it became the inheritance of the children of Joseph.
33 And Eleazar the son of Aaron died; and they buried him in a hill that pertained to Phinehas his son, which was given him in mount Ephraim."
There is a difference in the heterosexual dynamic but there are similarities. When a heterosexual falls in love he is projecting his suppressed feminine side or what Jung called the animus onto his love object. The gay man is projecting his suppressed masculine side or anima. This is the first difference. The heterosexual is experiencing through his love object a hidden but minor part of his whole self. When the gay man experiences his own masculinity or anima as a projection on the other man he is experiencing a suppressed core part of himself. That is why gay love and gay sex is so intense compared to heterosexual love and sex and why so often it feels like a compulsion. That is also why the experience at the end of a couple of years when reality breaks through so often differs.
For the heterosexual man he may have had the experience he needed to sufficiently "meet" and incorporate this part of himself into himself. The civilizing impact of marriage on men is well documented. As they reunite with this feminine side of themselves they actually incorporate it into their consciousness and passion turns to compassion and this is reflected in a different set of bonding chemicals in the brain. Sexual attraction and attachment to a projection turns to bonding to a real separate person and real love. The relationship can become very close and sweet.
One of the reasons heterosexual marriage is in trouble is that men marry when they are not fully connected to their own masculinity. Most men in modern culture carry wounds from a lack of connection to their fathers meaning their sense of their masculinity is not fully developed. They go to the woman to affirm their masculinity which a woman cannot do. Being immature as men they miss the opportunity to connect to their animus.
When the gay man begins to see through to the other person, the gay relationship does not allow them to reattach in their conscious mind with their hidden masculinity or anima. Instead it makes them even more estranged from their masculinity. You see their anima is a core part of their personality. It is simply to big a part of them to be restored through an affair with a man. Otherwise a gay affair would turn them straight. The drive to reunite with it will not fade because of a few years of interacting with a projection of it. Only doing the kind of gender affirming work that we do in reparative therapy or other men's work will reunite a man with his own suppressed anima. I should mention that in a micro sense the process does work. Within a short time the man I projected on and who now has seen reality break through is no longer sexy to me. In regard to him I am for all practical purposes heterosexual. Many men with a history of acting out have experienced this with a single sex act. Immediately after you are done the person no longer is of any sexual interest to you. You may have experienced this with an image as well. Sometimes when the brain chemistry is right this can take a couple of years. With heterosexual couples the intensity of sexual attraction might fade but not the way it does in gay relationships. That is because they still carry complementary masculine and feminine personalities and bodies. For the gay couple once the projection is gone the sex if it remains at all will be one of convenience rather like consensual sex by heterosexuals in prison.
(Author: Don. Used with permission)
Jesus showed mercy when it came to the fulfillment of the law. Shouldn’t we do the same?
Such arguments are sometimes brought up by Christians when it comes to divorce between a man and a woman or also living out one’s same-sex attractions.
So how about it? Should we?
In short: If you open that door, you will not be able to shut it anymore. That leaves room for all sorts of moral relativism. Basically what we are doing here is putting ourselves on the throne that only belongs to God.
Didn’t Jesus see the bigger meaning behind keeping the laws? Didn’t He blame the Pharisees for keeping the Sabbath at all costs when other things – like saving a human life – might be more important? Yes, He most certainly did. So why can’t we do the same? In some sense, we can and we should. Jesus told us the deeper meaning behind the Ten Commandments – which in a sense even made it harder for us. We are not simply a “good person” anymore for not killing anybody, we messed it up with God for not having protected human lives and stood up against abortion for instance. When Jesus was asked if it was lawful for a man to divorce from his wife under certain circumstances, He did not simply answer with “yes” or “no” – He went all the way back to quote the standard from Genesis. That ought to teach us something about the validity of certain laws and whether or not to go away from them. He did so not to show that He could also be unmerciful, but because He loves us and knows that everything else that is not in line with that standard is not what our loving Father wants for His children. It is not approved by God and will have consequences for us.
So what if a couple just cannot live together anymore or the husband beats up his wife? Under certain circumstances it is necessary for them to separate for a limited period of time – to prevent further physical or emotional hurts. This is to be done with the prospect of getting back together again. If this does not work out – maybe because the husband fails to repent and would beat up his wife again – a permanent separation might be needed. However, this does not put an end to the marriage. Marriage is not a contract where we exchange properties, it is a life-giving covenant that reflects the covenant Jesus made with His bride the Church – He gave His life so we could live! There are no two covenants like that. This is not un-merciful – quite on the contrary. God does this because He loves us and knows what is best for us. Even if a second marriage is out of question, we can still have a fulfilled life following Jesus Christ!
So what about same-sex acts or couples? If they absolutely cannot change, would it not be appropriate to apply the same rules on those couples (fidelity, staying monogamous and the like)?
Where on earth do we get such ideas from? That is the way humans think, but certainly not God. Yes, we need to show mercy, but that means giving people with same-sex attractions (or heterosexual couples who are about to break up) unconditional love and support IN ORDER TO WALK ON THE RIGHT PATH AGAIN! God did not tell us THOU SHALT NOT DO THIS OR THAT – UNLESS YOU HAVE AN INCLINATION FOR IT OR YOU MISS TO MEET MY STANDARD – THEN YOU JUST SETTLE FOR LESS! What kind of theology is that? Shouldn’t sheperds who are responsible for their flock do everything to get them safely back home? God never gave us a standard that we cannot fulfill and there is no temptation that is big enough that we cannot resist it. Jesus died on the Cross for that.
You do not show “mercy” if you show people a back door in case they don’t meet God’s laws. I am sure everyone would have a good excuse why he or she needs to take the easy way out. It wasn’t “unmerciful” of God either to give His own Son to die for us on the Cross – how do we dare to settle with less then?
Remember when Jesus saved the prostitute’s life who was about to be stoned? When He told her accusers that the one who has no sins should throw the first stone? This is an excellent example: First, Jesus showed unconditional love: He saved the woman’s life before she could even say beep. But the story does not end here. He did not tell her well, in case you think this is the way you need to go and you just don’t get along with a life as I set it out for you, then go ahead. No, loving Jesus told her to go and sin no more. The same loving Jesus that spoke about hell like no other before.
So how about we see God’s laws as the manual of a loving Father that shows us how to get safely through the storms in life? God did not give us those laws because He likes to boss us around. They are not simply a long list of dos and don’ts. The Ten Commandments for example where given to the people of Israel in the context of their liberation from Egypt. Also those commandments are not simple a list of “negatives”, a list of things not to do. Each commandment of God has two sides – much like a coin. Think about “Thou shalt not kill” – that also means we should preserve life. He will not only hold us responsible for the bad things we did, but also for the good things we failed to do.
To cut a long story short: Mercy? Yes, but mercy God’s way. No back-doors anymore by watering down God’s Word.
Homosexual Marriage in all 50 states in 5 years? - PIJN 0104 - Dr. Chaps Klingenschmitt
Homosexual Marriage in all 50 states in 5 years? - PIJN 0104 - Dr. Chaps Klingenschmitt
By Robert Gollwitzer (April 18th 2014)
Germany is just one of many countries where you find heated discussions about the nature and need for sex-education programs in school or even kindergarten. Disagreements exist on the question of when the children should learn what and where.
Beginning with the “Sexual Education Atlas”, a book used in school back in 1969 in the newly instituted lesson “sexual education” there were differences between more liberal (Lutheran) circles who were in favor of state-organized sex-education and more conservative (Catholic) ones that opposed it. The problem: You cannot just take your kids out of school during the sex education lessons. If you do, you will get financial penalties. If you continue to do so, you might even go to jail for it. However, there were always parents who tried to get the permission to spare their kids those lessons – due to religious reasons. In 2004 the administrative court of Hamburg decided it is illegal if Muslim children abstain from sex education during biology classes. The judges hold the view that this is not against religious freedom nor against the right of the parents to educate their children. They also said that telling those children the facts would not go against ideological neutrality. In addition to that, so they stated, the State has the duty to prevent the development of “parallel societies”. If you agree on setting the kids free due to religious reasons, this would confirm a state of “being different”, the judges also stated. Muslim organizations even agreed on that.
There were similar verdicts by the Federal Constitutional Court and other constitutional courts in various European states. Finally the European Court of Justice for Human Rights declared in 2011 that school children may not abstain from state-organized sexual education.
One of the problems with that so-called “neutrality” is that it is far away from being neutral. For example if the subject of “homosexuality” is dealt with, it is not uncommon that both teachers and children get their information from gay sources and/or organizations. The existence of ex-gay organizations is usually not even mentioned nor are they ever invited in public schools.
One of the concerns of parents regarding the sex education programs in schools is the premature sexualization of their children. On the other side you have the need for sex education. But how? And who should be in charge of that?
In Baden-Württemberg, one of Germany’s states, there will now be a teaching program on homosexuality, bi-sexuality, trans- and inter-sexuality, even though not binding yet. Even though the government only called that “guiding principles”, the reactions were harsh. One teacher started an online petition against that kind of curriculum “under the ideology of the rainbow”. So far more than 192000 people signed it. In reaction to that two opposing petition were done with 221000 signatures.
You might also sum up that conflict as the age-old conflict between family and state. Which right weighs more: The right of the parents to educate their children – including sex education – or the right of the state expressed in compulsory school attendance.
Then you have the fear of the parents and of the school authorities on the way and the age in which the children are confronted with sex – in other words: an early sexualization fueled by internet and other sort of porn. The school is supposed to be a safe haven against that.
Finally, there is something that rolls over society like nothing else at the moment: Gender Mainstreaming – which does not simply guarantee the individual and equal rights of men and women (there are other ways to do that), but dissolves the traditional gender roles (the physical and unchangeable sex) into “gender” (a term influenced by personal preferences, society, worldview and politics – and can thus be changed. You can be whatever you want to be – no matter how you were born).
Back in 1968 the idea was that the state should only take over when the parents failed in their sex education duties. The problem here: Who says they failed and according to which criteria? In the following years there were a number of court cases which rejected the view that sex education has nothing to do in schools. Today, Germany is said to have one of the best sex education programs in Europe. Does it really?
The state forces its legal rights on parents if they don’t obey. In September 2013 a Baptist family went up to the European Court of Justice for their children because they felt that naughty things were being addressed in public sex education. The father even accepted a 40-day coercive detention.
You also have parents that tend to delegate the sex education to the schools so they don’t have to deal with it anymore.
Concerns regarding lessons that deal with gender mainstreaming and “homosexuality” (“will our kids become gay then?”) are being brushed aside as utter nonsense. I don’t think so. First, a basic understanding on what a man and woman is all about, a solid definition of those terms, their roles duties in family, society, church, job and politics is crucial for the kids’ adult life. People with a confused understanding of their own identity can and will cause a lot of trouble (especially men). Now what about that statement that these early and detailed confrontations with subjects like “homosexuality”, bisexuality, trans- and intersexuality (which are far away from being neutral, as I already said) might “turn our kids gay”? Gay groups are quick to bring up the argument that don’t “make” somebody gay who is not already like that and nobody comes out in school as being “gay” just because of those lessons. Well, that is a little simplistic – from both sides. The sexual development of children in school is not finished yet. They are still insecure, they have questions and are growing and maturing in their sexual roles. Of course, you can’t just “turn” them “gay” like that. But if you continue to rub under their noses how natural and wonderful a gay life is, some might and will most likely want to know more about it. They might be tempted to “go for it” and try it out – with major consequences for their future lives. I had been in the gay scene for many years myself – and I am absolutely sure that if the parents and the authorities in charge knew about what’s really going on there (which is not exactly that polished version of being “gay” that you usually get to hear in public), they would stop asking gay groups for information right now – and most likely stop those programs altogether. Just one of many aspects: If this kind of life were so “normal” and “natural” and “beautiful”, how come that tiny percentage of the population has such an incredibly high rate among sexually transmitted diseases? That is not being portrayed in the plush world of “Will & Grace” Also the sexual acts that are seen as “normal” in the gay scene are way beyond what you might even imagine. Do you really want to confront your children with the normalcy of that at an early age? Without even giving them a chance to hear the other side – like ex-gay organizations? Where is the neutrality in that?
Nice-sounding terms like “sexual diversity” that are celebrated as good are neither neutral nor do they portray the facts accurately. Yes, there is a sexual diversity, but it is not like it doesn’t matter which way you go – all is good and fine. Each way has its consequences. Plus if you open that door where do you close it? What about pedophiles and zoophiles? Gays would cry out in rage hearing that I guess, but does not logic lead some to the option of opening that “diversity” for other groups too? Yes, you can’t compare them, but based on what would you close the door?
In 2013 the European Parliament rejected a “package to improve sexual health” – on initiative of the conservatives. As consequence there is still no duty for the member states to implement sexual education in schools. A couple of months ago the highest court in Croatia forbade sex education in school. According to the judges of this new member country of the European Union it violates the parents’ basic right of educating their children.
One of the arguments for the need for sex education in schools that gay activists sometimes bring up is the high number of suicides of kids with same-sex attractions who suffer from “homophobia”. This argument sounds good at first (who would object to that?), but is not so good at a second look. First, the factors that contribute to a suicide are many and what exactly lead to it is not always easy to say. Moreover you cannot blame somebody or something for it as a consequence. To use those suicides as a political argument is morally and scientifically inacceptable. There is no one cause for a suicide so tracing it back to “homophobia” is more than simplistic. Besides many people with same-sex attractions also suffer from mental disorders, so it is extremely hard to tell what finally lead them to commit such a tragic act. Yes, school kids need to learn about how to respect, tolerate and love other people. What you cannot do in there is put them in groups and say these people need extra tolerance.
What usually goes along with programs in school that include gay groups is that the kids are not only told to respect other people’s rights, but also that “being gay” is “normal”. This does not go together with the so-called “neutrality” of those lessons. School children are being indoctrinated at an early age to accept a world view they might have not accepted had you confronted them as mature persons.
Sadly though LGBT activists that not so long ago demanded freedom and tolerance to say and do whatever they want for themselves now are not so “tolerant” when it comes to worldviews opposing their own: Several manifestations of concerned Christian parents in Baden-Württemberg against their sex ed curriculum were seriously attacked by left wing activists in March 2014. Parents were shocked both by the hatred of those activists and by the passivity of the local police. Looks like tolerance and freedom go only one way.
Why is that pro-gay education so dangerous? Why not just leave it as is?
Aside from the points already mentioned above there are some other issues to keep in mind.
Changes in society usually come in a political or legal way – for instance through new laws. Laws, however, can be overturned. The changes that go way deeper are the cultural changes – the changes in what people believe in. Changes in their value system. Those changes cannot be overturned so easily.
Such changes we are dealing with when it comes to “homosexuality” (even though that also includes political changes).
Marshall Kirk and Erastes Pill wrote in 1987 in an article of a Guide magazine entitled “The Overhauling of Straight America”:
“The first order of business is desensitization of the American public concerning gays and gay rights. To desensitize the public is to help it view homosexuality with indifference instead of with keen emotion… You can forget trying to persuade the masses that homosexuality is a good thing. But if you only can get them to think that it is just another thing, with a shrug of their shoulders, then your battle for legal and social rights is virtually won.” (Marshall K. Kirk and Erastes Pill, “The Overhauling of Straight America,” Guide magazine, 1987, Mass Resistance website, www.article8.=rg/docs/gay_strategies/overhauling.htm)
A little later in the same article they go into details:
“Any campaign to accomplish that turnaround should do six things: 1. Talk about gays and gayness as loudly and as often as possible; 2. Portray gays as victims, not as aggressive challengers; 3. Give protectors a just cause; 4. Make gays look good; 5. Make the victimizers look bad; 6. Solicit funds.” (Kirk and Pill)
Why make them look like victims? Because then political and society leaders will see the need for new laws and policies – political change. Example: Non-discrimination laws based on sexual orientation.
As to the “make gays look good” part: That works to perfection: Gays are nice people like you and me and those who are against embracing a gay lifestyle are the evil ones. The modern media seems to be completely on the side of gay activists. Needless to mention that only a certain type of gays is being portrayed there- with full purpose as it looks. Real gays as you find them in the gay scene are certainly not helpful if you want to follow that policy.
As to the funding – well, let’s just say gay activists did their job.
So let’s focus now on “talking about gays and gayness as loudly and as often as possible”:
Again a quote from Kirk and Phill:
“The principle behind this advice is simple: Almost any behavior begins to look normal if you are exposed to enough of it at close quarters and among your acquaintances.”
In other words and with two of its best examples: Through popular media and in school. I don’t think there is much need to go deeper into popular media – just turn on your TV and you’ll see for yourself.
How about schools then? The subject of “homosexuality” has made huge progress in schools- from being completely ignored to being completely normal – and mandatory.
It is safe to say we are at war right now – and it looks pretty good for gay activists. They have made major progress with conservatives having largely underestimated the need to oppose or even address that tendency. Sometimes the parents don’t even know what their children are exposed to in school. You find even projects like “Diversity Days” celebrating the normalcy of sexual orientations and acts other than heterosexuality as sustained by traditional Christian values. If you take your kids out of school during those lessons and events, you might face criminal charges.
The other strategy –portraying “homosexuals” as victims works just well too – both in the media and in the schools. One of the argument that gay activists use in schools is that “research proves” something. Example: 30 percent of teenage suicides are committed by gays (see remarks above on that). People tend to believe that without verifying its background. Just present statistics and trust that people will not bother finding out if they are even true or scientifically done –and if so, what they actually say – and what they don’t say.
Facts that you can verify: The emotional, physical, spiritual, emotional and sociological consequences of a gay life. What the gay activists teach our children – directly or via curricula they helped pushing through – is a society where everything changes so nothing really matters anymore.
If we let it happen that traditional Christian family values are being eliminated and replaced by – nothing, by an agenda where (almost) anything and everything goes, this will have huge and long-term consequences for society as a whole. A society where moral relativism reigns has no future and cannot survive as such. We owe our kids more than that. We owe them a solid education that helps them find their role in a society that honors God in everything. The Christian God that our forefathers used to fight and die for. The Christian faith that laid the foundation for Western societies.
If we want the best for our children, we need to act.
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexualkunde (April 18th 2014, 1:27 p.m.)
http://www.lehrer-online.de/homosexualitaet.php?sid=68790679635231580239775937593200 (April 18th 2014, 1:33 p.m.)
http://www.welt.de/politik/deutschland/article123981298/Sexualkunde-die-Grenzen-der-Aufklaerung.html (April 18th 2014, 2:20 p.m.)
http://www.welt.de/politik/deutschland/article124308090/192-000-Stimmen-gegen-neuen-Sexualkunde-Unterricht.html (April 18th 2014, 2:26 p.m.)
http://www.queer.de/detail.php?article_id=20618 (April 18th 2014, 4:59 p.m.)
http://www.intoleranceagainstchristians.eu/case/christian-demonstrations-violently-attacked-by-left-wing-radicals-in-baden-wuerttemberg-and-cologne.html (April 18th 2014, 5:05 p.m.)
Mike Haley in Dallas, J. and Heche, N. (2010) The Complete Christian Guide to Understanding Homosexuality. A Biblical And Compassionate Response to Same-Sex Attraction. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers
That question raised quite some concern among ex-gays even not so long ago. Some groups (like Homosexuals Anonymous) have completely abstained from taking an active part in politics, others have been out there from the beginning.
So where are we now? Does it even matter?
It does – very much so.
I don’t know if there ever was a time where it might have been understandable to focus only on being a “safe haven” for those seeking help in dealing with unwanted same-sex attraction. If there was, this time is over now. We simply cannot afford staying silent anymore and concentration on therapy, counseling or pastoral care.
I was born and raised in Germany. We got some idea of how wrong and dramatic it can get if you think you are living on an island – separated from the rest of the world – and this world with all that it brings along will leave you in peace then.
“No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.” John Donne
We are never separated from the world – and as Christians we must not even think of being so.
“First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.”
Pastor Martin Niemöller criticizing German intellectuals for being coward during the Nazi area
Ex-gays cannot and must not stay silent – and neither must the Church.
Matthew 28:16-20 King James Version (KJV):
“16 Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them.
17 And when they saw him, they worshipped him: but some doubted.
18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.“
That includes standing up for what we believe in – whatever the cost may be. If we as Christians don’t have something to shout from the roofs, then I don’t know who has.
I am not talking about founding or supporting a political party, mind you. However, I am talking of being the voice for Jesus, of putting on the armor of faith and stand firm like a rock, of being the light put out there for everyone to shine. These things won’t happen if we hide in supposedly “safe havens”. The world out there needs to hear our voice! We are responsible for one another and we are called to run after each and every sheep that is in danger of getting lost.
When I heard of something like ex-gay ministries for the first time (after I had spent many years embracing a gay life which led me to hitting rock bottom at the end), I was really steaming mad when I started reading all those homepages. Why had nobody ever told me about that? Why did they not stand up for what they believe in so those in need can hear their voice and message? How come we have to go and find out on our own by stumbling over it “by chance”? How come gay activists force their beliefs on the whole world and ex-gays are hiding in secret circles? How come we have no problem cheering on the top of our lungs for soccer or football teams but stay awfully silent when it comes to proclaiming our faith – the faith in Jesus, the Son of God, who gave everything – including His own life – to pull us out of the mud and save our butts – sorry, lives?
If you think you can stay silent and separate from the world, don’t be surprised if it comes breaking into your doors. If you claim to be responsible for those seeking help in dealing with unwanted same-sex attractions, how come you shut up when they pass laws preventing us from doing so? Is it really the love and care for people with unwanted ssa you are worried about – or more your own safety and comfort?
And if you happened to find help in ex-gay ministries, shouldn’t you get your own butt up now and help others – just like every Christian should pass on the love He receives from Christ and his brothers and sisters each day?
I am sick to death with being silent. Now it is time for war. This is a battle cry for everyone to take on his or her spiritual armor and stand firm for the Son of God that became man so men and women can become children of God! How dare we settle with less?
Revelation 3:16 New International Version (NIV):
“16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”
How Can You Compare Homosexuality with Alcoholism or Pedophilia?
First: There is no thing as “homosexuality”. Some people do have same-sex attractions – for whatever reason! – but, that does not give them an extra identity nor special rights.
Second: If you are so secure and stable in “being gay” or in supporting people who self-identify as such, why do you have a problem with that? Usually people who compare same-sex attractions to alcoholism or pedophilia do not do that to put people down, but to point out the absurdity of certain arguments if you pick up their logic and show the results thereof.
If you argue that it is alright if two consenting adults have sex, why stop at two people of the same sex? Why not two brothers (or sisters)? Why not an adult and a minor if the parents agree? Why limit it to a species? Why does it even have to be a living object? And if you say all these examples are nonsense, based on what do you think so?
If love is all that matters, you could just as well bring up the examples mentioned above. Or enlarge the sum of the elements: Why limit it to two people? Why to people of the same species? And on and on. You think that is discriminating? Based on what? All I try to do is show you where that kind of logic might lead you to. Once the door is open, it will be close to being impossible to shut it again.
Over and over we hear that “being gay” is okay and even “natural” because people are born that way. Aside the fact that so far there is not the slightest prove for that claim, let’s just say – for the sake of the argument – that this is correct. Now many other things are or could be traced back to one or more genes that – along with environmental factors – make it easier for people to act that way. So what? To my knowledge certain forms of criminal behavior or alcoholism can have genetic causes as well. Does that make it “morally acceptable” or even “natural” to become alcoholic or to commit crimes? How about if they find a “pedophile gene” tomorrow? Would that make it alright if adults have sex with children? Would it be “pedophobia” to say no? Fact is that a single gene – or even a combination of genes – is not enough per se to “make you something”. A lot of other factors – like environmental ones – have to contribute to that as well. Other than that epigenetics has taught us meanwhile that along with the environment it is our thinking and acting pattern that can decide whether or not certain genes start “working” and to what degree. It also works the other way around: The way we think and act changes our brain synapses that connect the neurons and transmit signals in the brain – and with them the structure of the brain itself, to a point where even genes are influenced (like whether or not they are being activated or even built – or if new genes come into existence that can be passed on to the next generation then).
Sometimes we are being told that all we do is cause people with unwanted same-sex attractions to have behavioral changes. We do not really “make them straight”. It’s all an attitude in the way they act.
Let’s assume it is like that (and for the record: We do a lot more than that). And let’s pick up the example of an alcoholic to demonstrate how absurd such an argument is: If an alcoholic stops to drink alcohol, he changes his behavior. Is that all? No way. This behavioral change will have major influences on his professional life, his family life, his emotional and spiritual life, his relationships, his physical and mental health and on and on. How much more if you address underlying needs, emotions, hurts, family backgrounds, identity issues, faith questions, etc. like we do it.
So yes, sometimes we use comparisons. Not to “put people with same-sex attractions on the same level as for example alcoholics” (as if being alcoholic were an insult! That would be discriminating as well!), but to demonstrate something. Not so long ago people would have been insulted if someone compared them to “gays”. Understand? We are being called much worse things at times and/or compared or put at the same level with radicals, extremists, maybe even Nazis and what not. And there is no logic explanation to justify that.
So we will keep on using such comparisons at times if it is necessary to clarify things.
Failure in Gay Lives
"And what of them; those fragile few who sit lonely in a life of societal isolation? They have journeyed an incomprehensible adventure of human transformation striving to re-join the human race, to feel the warm grace of a loving God and finally achieve acceptance of themselves, through this journey, which only they can comprehend. And yet to find once again they are ostracized and condemned, this time for their successes. The pains, the struggles and the scars that drove them deeply into the dark pit of confusion, self-doubt, self-loathing and communal banishment are again relived as they are victimized by the ghosts of their past. Mocked, disbelieved, scorned by the envy of tortured souls who relish at the notion of their fall back to the hell from which only they escaped. What great strength did it take to achieve? How many broken souls are able to actually rise up and transform themselves into the very weapon which slays their own demons? What great strength does it take to suffer the barbs of the envious and the devious who work tirelessly to undermine their hard earned peace? Nobly, they suffer once again. Generously, they try to embrace the broken-hearted and struggle to carry them to salvation. If God makes angels of men, then would these not be among them? These, who crawl across the political and emotional battlefield time and time again to retrieve the wounded and bring them to safety. These, who live in isolation from both those who have not succeeded in the journey and they who never needed the venture; thus neither truly understanding. Let them know that each bears a burden not all the same. Let them know that all struggle with demons of different names and devices. And let them know that none of us receive a parade in honor of our victories over ourselves. But each must find that reward within himself, in the peaceful contentment that he has become that which he dreamt he could be."
But what about having to stay alone for the rest of your days? If you mean "lonely" by "alone", then let me remind you that you can - and likely will - be very lonely in the gay scene. Being "alone" is something different. It is a gift that Jesus often used when He went out in the desert to pray. We need to be alone at times to spend some good quality time with ourselves and with God. To be able to be alone is a true treasure. Ever since I left the gay scene, I found times to be "alone", but most of the time the Lord grants me time to spend with the many true friends He brought into my life ever since and with the people He leads to me to help them get back on their feet again. I have never been less "lonely" than since I had left the gay life. I have found a true meaning and purpose in life and also my life has changed in all areas.
So what about "being happy"? I think it is a big misconception in today's culture and society that once with throw something in the "love"- or "being happy"-pool, everything is fine. No, it isn't. Being "happy" is not a criteria that something is good or morally acceptable. An alcoholic who just had a bottle of wodka might say he is "happy" now. A family father might have just left his wife and kids to live with his new girlfriend, "love" her and be "happy" with her for the rest of his days - it would still be unacceptable adultery in a Christian's eyes. Following Christ will give you true joy and tell you about the difference between "being happy" and finding that joy only God can give. And please don't mistake love for a fuzzy feeling. Feelings come and go. Love is a covenant where one person gives himself or herself (reflecting Christ's life-giving covenant with His bride, the Church) and where the two take the willful decision to stay together for their whole lives to become one flesh again. Again? Yes, our sexual drive hints back to the beginnings, where Eve was taken from Adam's flesh. This drive seeks that union back again - becoming one flesh. So much one you have to give this "one" a name nine months after.
To cut it short: I know it isn't easy to leave the gay life. It can be very scary as you have no idea what you signed up for and where this will take you. So for the beginning I give you this piece of advice: Scratch together the little faith and trust you can find in you and put it on God. And then let yourself fall and begin the journey - step by step. God has never broken any of His promises. He will be with you every second of the way and lead you out of this. Promised.
From a friend on facebook:
I ENCOURAGE YOU TO ALWAYS try to get in all three prongs of the argument. Different issues resound with different people.
KNOW THE ARGUMENT -
1) Legal -- the people (States) have a right to define marriage because they are financially and legally invested in it. The government cannot require us to pay taxes, subsidies, enforce laws, honor licenses in the form of marriage benefits to such 'couples' without providing a return (if we so vote - as most states have). Married people do something 'extra' to earn public benefits. The return is the creation of the future - because WE ALL USE the children of the future. Our future doctors, policemen, cable guy, etc. Do not fall for arguments like "the infertile or elderly". Court cases have already noted that the government has no idea who is infertile, no idea who is medically correctable, no idea what the future holds and no authority to find out. Simply put -- it is ruled "unenforceable". In the case of two people of the same sex, however, we don't have to play stupid that they produce nothing under any circumstances to earn those benefits we subsidize. The elderly, in most cases, have ALREADY raised their children, done that work and expended their fortunes doing it - they aren't 89 year old virgins. The law applies solid common sense to these arguments. The public must receive some benefit for their investment. This argument has been repeatedly upheld by state and federal courts.
2) Health - the FDA, US Medical Board and medical boards around the world have banned those engaging in homosexuality from donating sperm, blood and organs -- because it was KILLING people. We shouldn't have to go into graphic detail to explain how misusing the body results in higher rates of cancer, hepatitis, bacterial infections, reactive arthritis, AIDS and a hundred other conditions you've never heard of except posted on this page. WHY would the public be interested in encouraging more of it and teaching or exposing it to children ? Monogamy and condoms do not prevent cancer and many others. Small, independent doctors groups have been campaigning against encouraging these pseudo-marriages (we've posted them - the ones not beholden to large left wing donations).
3) Religious - besides your religious doctrine (since every religion opposes the behavior, most likely established millenia ago due to the disease issues - even the EGYPTIANs commented on it), there is the fact that while certain groups stomp around talking about their rights - what they really mean is what they WISH was their rights because there is only ONE specified constitutionally protected BEHAVIOR, and that is the RIGHT TO RELIGIOUS FREEDOM. "Because God says so" is not a public policy argument - it is an argument of personal religious conviction and that is fine. But God gave us brains to make effective public policy arguments too. A lot of people rightfully understand and respect your personal convictions but are waiting to hear why those who don't share your faith should be subject to your personal convictions. The "religious public policy" answer to that is that religion is constitutionally protected and sexual preference is NOT. Imposing the behavior on you, your children, your place of work, your business or in any unreasonable way in your life is a violation of a real constitutional right that we need to fight to retain and protect. It isn't that we're imposing religion on others - it's that the Constitution protects us from them imposing their ways on us. Passing marriage laws that violate our ways by force of law violates the 1st Amendment.
The idea of carrying a cross and denying myself has been on my mind a lot lately, and I just read a book this week that had an excellent chapter about it.
Nowadays there is such a move on for an easy religion where we decide what parts of the Bible apply to us and what parts don't. There are too many Christians who are reasoning around Scripture, instead of taking it as God's inspired Word.
I have been of the thinking for a long time, that if we truly love God, want to do His will, and live a life that pleases Him, we aren't going to try to weasel around as much Scripture as we can. We won't live as close to the edge as we can.
There is such a move on in this day to throw out what the Bible says about homosexuality being a sin. They use all kinds of excuses:
"Its not fair for God to let me be born this way and not give in"
"As long as its a loving relationship, God doesn't condemn that" Oh really? Where does it say THAT?
And other excuses.
Being a Christian isn't supposed to be easy. That whole carrying your cross thing.... that doesn't mean warm fuzzies. It means dying out to everything - even ourselves and our sexuality - and serving God no matter what.
It took me a while to decide I needed to get serious about serving God, and casting aside the life I have been living. I knew what it meant to do that:
No sexual fulfillment at all
It doesn't sound fun. Picking up my cross means battling what comes so naturally to me, being gay, lusting after guys, fulfilling that lust. Will it be hard to stop? A thousand times yes. Am I alone? No, and there could be worse crosses than to carry a gay cross.
Look at Nick Vujicic. He was born with no arms or legs. Does he have a heavy cross to carry? For sure, and if I had to pick, I'd pick homosexuality. Its a hard thing to deal with, but I can't imagine dealing with what he does.
Joni Earekson Tada. Paralyzed from the neck down since 1978. What a heavy cross. How difficult it must be to serve and trust God, a God who I am sure she has prayed to for healing many times and never got......... sound familiar? If you struggle with same-sex attractions, you have probably done the same. I have. I have begged God to make me "normal", begged him to fix me. He hasn't. And maybe there is a reason.
God has used, and is using these two individuals in ways they could never have been used if they didn't have the physical limitations that they have. If I had gotten a true relationship with God and determined to serve Him no matter what, picked up my very heavy cross and kept going, who knows how God could have used me...... and who knows how He still could use me if I get total victory over my desires and stay surrendered to God.
Those among us who deal with same-sex attractions and want to reason around what the Bible says, who want to "have their cake and eat it too" - have a sexual relationship with the same sex and be a Christian...... they aren't taking up their cross and denying themselves. They have decided they are going to make the Bible fit into their lifestyle, and have tossed the cross aside. How sad it will be for them when they face God.
I wish it weren't so. I wish I could be gay and Christian, as in give into my desires and serve God, but that isn’t possible. God wants it all, even my sexuality. It isn’t easy, but those who truly sell out for God rarely do have it easy. It could be worse. I could have no limbs, or be paralyzed, or be in prison for my faith, being beaten and tortured. Same-sex attractions/struggles? We have it easy compared to many, and who do we think we are claiming we are the exception to carrying our cross and denying ourselves? God wants us to pick up our cross, our gay cross, deny ourselves and our sexuality, and follow Him. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
Well, yes and no. Yes, it says something like that, but no, this is not exactly what we understand by it.
In his book “Light In the Closet. Torah, Homosexuality And the Power to Change” (which I highly recommend by the way. It has been published by Red Heifer Press), Arthur Goldberg goes deeper into the meaning of “to’eivah”, the Hebrew word for “abomination”:
Some editions of the Pentateuch now even use the word “abhorrence” instead of “abomination”.So what about it?
“Abhorrence”might be more like it, as it is less judgmental. Webster’s Deluxe Unabridged Dictionary (2nd ed.) defines “abhorrent” as “contrary to,” or “repugnant to” someone or “inconsistent with” something. Regarding “abomination”, Webster’s defines this term as something “very hateful, detestable, loathsome, odious to the mind, offensive to the senses.” What Is the difference between the two? “Abomination”describes human feelings rather than God’s.
Abomination or abhorrence – there is always a way out: “teshuva” – the return of the penitent who completely expiates his or her sin.
In theTalmud (Nedarim 51a) you find an interesting comment, made in the tradition of authentic Torah interpretation by one of the Sages of the Talmud – Bar Kappara.
Bar Kappara says that the word “to’eivah” derives from the words “to’ei attah bah” (“you are straying through it”. In other words: Those who engage in homosexual behavior are “straying” or have been “led astray” – a view in line with a holistic Torah perspective. In that sense homosexual acts are a deviation from the right path. This view includes that the right path can be regained – a view in accordance with the great medieval commentators.
(For more information, go and get Arthur’s book).
Attacking Gay Activists and Fighting for Ex-Gay Rights?
Sounds good to me. But, why is it so awfully quiet out there? Thankfully there are organizations like Voice of the Voiceless that face gay activists head on and stand up for ex-gay rights. What about all the other ex-gays though? What about the Church? Silence.
Bing German, I find that very interesting. Not so long ago we had times where many Germans – and the rest of the world – stayed silent too when the Jews where being taken away. Why bother? I ain’t no Jew. Even most of the Jews stayed rather passive and offered no resistance (not that I reproach them that). Like sheep being taken to the slaughterhouse.
How is it we get paralyzed like deer standing in the flashlight of a car as soon as times get rougher?
How is it people who formerly self-identified as “gay” and found freedom later on stay silent and hide?
Most in the Church probably think that’s none of their business. Let the gays do what they want. We don’t have that problem.
Really? Each Church from a certain size on has that “problem”. And even if they don’t – you cannot escape a political force anymore that is strong enough to bring the mightiest men in the world to their knees. Why stop at churches? Why not force them to allow gays on their staff, to perform gay weddings? Not to even mention what’s behind the curtain once the gay kid is out.
As to the ex-gays themselves: Well, I guess you can find a thousand good reasons why you are not the right guy to stand up for ex-gays and share the joy and freedom that the Lord has blessed you so richly with.
But there is one good reason not to: Jesus.
If we call ourselves followers of Jesus, we need to accept His radical call for discipleship. “Follow me” is a battle cry, not an invitation to come and watch a nice church program. He called us to hold unto Him – even unto death! And He warned us never to deny Him!
I remember a Bible study I did years ago. We talked about the persecution of Christians in the last days as I wanted to make sure that each one that passes my Bible studies should be prepared if that day comes up. One lady said, “Why, there is no way I can withstand persecution! I am too scared!” I told her I was scared too and I shared a story of the early martyrs that has been passed on through the centuries.
Beneath the circus of Rome Christians were held in captivity waiting to be taken up and fed to the lions. Among them a pregnant woman. When she got in labor pains she started to scream as the pain was so intense. One of the guards said, “If you scream like that already now, wait till you are up there with the lions!” She answered, “Now it is me that suffers, up there it will be Christ suffering in me”.
That’s how I feel about it. There is no way I can withstand the devil and his followers through my own force. I am certainly not the guy to do that. But, when the day comes, I know that Jesus is with me. I need not suffer alone.
“Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.” (Col 1:24 NIV)